I miss the manor. It seems very silly to be sad about losing virtual property, but being forced to move has brought to the forefront the realization that it's all virtual. Now, my little platform in the sky only exists in my memory.
This morning, I was thinking about how my life was before SL. In many ways, it is dramatically different. It's not because of SL per se, but SL has enabled me to find many friends and pursue new interests. Thanks to my friends, I have fairly well overcome depression, which has plagued me off and on for all my life. Today, I may feel sad over some incident or get upset about my job, but I have an underlying joy in living that I never have had before. I can't even begin to mention the names of all of you who have comforted, accepted and cheered for me, as well as pushed me to be a better person.
The biggest treasure I've found in SL is, of course, Amakusa Ghost. Someday, I hope to be at liberty to tell you everything about him. For now, to protect his privacy, I can tell you only a bit about him. One night last week, my new friend Long asked me if Amakusa is worth waiting for, after I explained he would be incommunicado for 20 days while he works "en campo" or in the field. I gave her my stock answer, which is I was not seeking a boyfriend when I came to SL and I don't want any other. She said that I could hang out with her and Jo until Mr. Right returns from the bush. I'm going to take her at her word, although I think she may have been teasing me.
We have been in a virtual relationship for about a year. I met him around the time when I was wearing the title "doesn't want a boyfriend." He comforted me after Lost and I broke it off. Early in our relationship, he impressed me with his wide vocabulary and when I remarked on it, he explained he is very well-read. He had been training to be a doctor for three years until the economic downturn in 2001 (in Argentina). He can fix about anything in your house, including your body. He is often attending to a friend who is sick; most recently it was a friend who had an abscess in his mouth. I hope and expect he will eventually become a doctor.
We were friends for awhile before he asked me to be his girlfriend. From the outside, he seems to be so far from me in every way, but in truth he is very much like me. I think he really "gets" me and he hasn't run away yet. He knows my thoughts before I can translate them into [English] words. He challenges me. He is the wellspring of patience and hope.
As I wait impatiently for my passport, I think about what it would be like to visit him. The rational side of me wonders, how do I expect this to turn out? My heart breaks every time I think about it. He lives more than a day's journey by plane! I can't expect him to leave his parents and sisters and especially his baby nephew he loves very dearly. He may never have children of his own and certainly won't with me. I can't ask him to move to the US, knowing he probably can never be a doctor here. But, can I leave my children, who are both on the autistic spectrum, and move so far away? I can't ask them to move to a place where I expect I would be living in poverty in a culture very different from ours. Every way I look at it, it ends in heartbreak and still I can't walk away from him. He would say it's in God's hands. He is better at trusting God than I am.
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