Last night as I was about to lose one of my dearest SL friends, I thought I'm sorry; I can't be all things to all people. I feel the pressure of conflicting advice and opinions:
Get a boytoy. Vitual sex is fun. versus You should uphold your RL standards.
SL boyfriend doesn't mean anything. versus A person looking for a RL partner in SL.
Don't be so serious. It's a game. Tell them to f*** off. versus There is a real person behind the avatar.
I don't doubt all these statements are true. They are all true, depending on your point of view. I can only be who I am. I love who I love in RL and SL. I won't change who I love to be the person you want me to be. I don't talk about my love life and you will never know what happens there. I don't reveal personal information that could be used to hurt someone. I do that for him as well as for you. Remember when I said, "they won't hear it from me"? Now you know it's true.
I nursed my grandmother, the only person in my family to encourage me, as she died from pancreatic cancer. I'm talking about holding the barf bucket, helping her go to the bathroom, helping her wash and dropping liquid morphine into her mouth when she was practically unconscious. What I told you about my marriage dissolving and my hard times is all true. I don't try to compare it with what you are experiencing. I only know that pain is pain and it hurts while you are enduring it. It hurts me to know you're in pain.
You can say I'm not genuine. I value our friendship and every word you have said to me. To be let into someone else's world is a precious thing and I don't take it for granted. I would never intentionally hurt you and I'm sorry we had a misunderstanding.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
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